When I used to think that I knew everything, or at least a lot more than I really did, I wrote a handful of these.It is a time-honoured tradition. There is much more to it than the silly tabloids say. Let’s also try and clear this up for you.
1. Lobola is NOT Payment offered to the woman’s family as an I’m-taking-her-off-your-hands and I Own Her Now gesture. Lobola is a Thank You. It shows Appreciation to the family and the parents for raising (what we assume and hope) to be this Lady of my heart, Life partner and mother to nurture and help raise my heirs and beloved children.
2. Lobola is a Promise. It says: “I realise that you are losing an integral and priceless treasure to your family and I promise to Love, Honour, Protect, Care and treat Her like the Queen she is.” That simple.
3. There are two parties to be concerned about when Lobola is on the books. Not his family and her family. That will end badly. It’s Us and Them. Us being him and her. Them being the two families. No one else, the neighbour, friend and shoulder to cry on don’t have a leg to stand on in these negotiations. Us will have to make a life after Lobola. Them will have to be considerate.
4. Price. No matter how you break it down. Lobola is still a financial obligation (whether it’s cows, cars or cash), it’s not a burden. Only agree to a price that will neither be a future burden to the Us party or patronise or blatantly insult her family.
5. Save Up in Good Time. Don’t be a senseless idiot and come with a backdated checque that will bounce like a rubber playball the next day. That is insulting. You know what you can afford and what you can’t. Do you know how much the engagement and wedding rings cost, Mr Big Spender? Do research.
6. Discuss. Discuss. Discuss. Talk to her. Yes, that woman who will be your wife. If she thinks you are the Reserve Bank Governor although you are on your last reserves with the bank and living on overdraft, she will not understand if you pay any less than what she thinks she’s worth to you.
7. Do it right. If you do not know what the procedure is, Captain Westernised, find out fast. Don’t make your lawyer represent you. This is not a pre-nuptial negotiation. Man Up. Do It Right.
8. Know your options. Installments is one of those options. Three installments is understandable. A 60 month installment will not fly. You are saying thanks, not buying a car. Okay, Mr Wonderful?
Namaste
